The Joy of Living a Gentle Life
I have been working hard on learning Portuguese so that I can interact with my neighbors here in Lisbon. I asked our tutor, Lúcio, to teach me some phrases that I would use a lot, and to give me the natural, common way to say it. One of the phrases I wanted to learn is “Thank you for being kind.”
I have written often of how kind and friendly the Portuguese people are, and they really do want you to feel comfortable and to feel “at home” around them. I love this very much, and it is very similar to my upbringing in the South. The phrase I learned is “Obrigado por se gentil” or “Thank you for being gentle.” Gentle is interchangeable with “kind” in the Portuguese language, and I think this says a lot about their culture and why I love it.
They are a gentle people. They act like gentlemen, and treat each other kindly.
When we were living in the States, we started to feel unsafe. The tone of society became one where it seemed that everyone was afraid of everyone else. When you met someone they seemed leery that you might be a member of the “wrong tribe” and that you might be dangerous. I have a lot of grief around this, as I used to always feel comfortable as an American and that we were all in this together. But that has changed, of course, and I felt like citizens were treating each other roughly rather than gently.
I prefer a gentle life. I prefer to think the best of someone when I meet them, and to work to make them feel at home and comfortable. And no matter where we each are living, we can bring these gentle interactions to our world. I truly believe that if you interact with someone with gentleness, it has the power to disarm them and make them realize how they might be treating you.
This reminds me of a time when I was a band director and I was always barking orders or making dramatic statements to keep my students’ attention and to try to inspire them to great heights. This also meant that I was often unaware that I was talking loud and being verbose. I remember a day that I walked into our school library and ran up to my favorite librarian, booming out some greeting. She responded by whispering to me a friendly hello and, in her own kind way, reminding me to speak softly in the library. After a momentary bit of embarrassment, I went on with the conversation, appreciating her gentle correction.
I want to live a gentle life. I like moving through the world with ease and grace and style, and treating others gently is a large part of that. I love when others are gentle with me. There is a time for friendly bawdy roughness, but I prefer this to be the exception, not the rule.
I hope you’ll consider being gentle as you move through your day, and you can do this no matter how others are treating you. Bring that gentleness, and others will respond in kind. This reflection of my gentle tone is always true, and it’s one of the great gifts of the universe. Have a gentle day.
Besta Hinton, trying to be a gentle man
August 7, 2026
